Out Of Touch
by Disjointed Silhouette
Summary: When your lust for glory finally overrides all friendship and discernment... and when you find yourself trying to claw your way back to the light from the depths of darkness, will you succeed?
1. Betrayal

Thinking up of continuations for my 'epics', is extremely difficult, so I am taking a break. Managed to sneak one in before the exams, and I have lost my touch, so… flame me for it if you want.

**Betrayal**

* * *

_Dream_

"Tails… you got to stop running away from me! I can't go looking for you all the time… What if I don't find you someday, what if you get lost? If Robotnik ever catches you again… that would be mondo bad…"

I watch the past through the eyes of my younger self. Everything was the same, the lake beside me, the shining stars in the night sky, the tears in my eyes; it was all according to my past, the first memory my brain had ever recorded.

I was crying; I didn't know why people got angry, or what consequences were, when I was a naïve, young fox at that time… All I knew was that they were feelings, and everyone would have different ones sometimes, but I always thought that all these were by chance. This was the first time I ever saw anyone angry.

I saw Sonic more as an enemy than a friend; I knew that he was a kind-hearted and warm person, but he was the one who took me away from my home, my place of belonging. And most of all, he hurt my uncle, Merlin, whom I loved very much, now I know for no reason. Sonic was someone I didn't really like, and I wanted to get away from him and return to my normal life.

We kept quiet for some time, away from each other, doing nothing whatsoever. And what I thought, Sonic was the one who had always budged into my business, all starting from the point he kidnapped me from my uncle's embrace. And, when I was getting closer to my goal each night, the village, Sonic would always come and take me away. He was the one who should have been scolded, and he still scolded me!

This was the last straw, I decided, not noticing I was feeling angry also myself. I wanted to go up to Sonic, and tell him that I hated him, and wanted to leave him.

But then again…, he must have spent some time searching for me in the vast forest, and despite his speed, he must have taken some amount of effort to search for me… He also always asked me whether I was thirsty, or hungry, and never ever ignored any of my complaints.

Maybe he had good intentions? He said that I was the Chosen One, something like that, maybe he needed me for something?

I approached him very slowly, not knowing what to say. Instead, I was starting feel this funny feeling in my heart, a warm fuzzy feeling… something that was slowly replacing my hate for him. What was it…?

"Sonic…, I…"

* * *

My dream ended abruptly as the alarm clock went off. I got myself up, sitting on the bed now. I sighed… how did searching for my own way end up like this?

I had never seen Sonic for over a year now, after I had left him behind to find my true calling. I was tired of always being in Sonic's shadow, not being treated with enough respect. No matter how much I helped him, no matter how much I liked him, he would always cover me with a curtain, or brush me aside, out of the picture, when the day was saved. Whenever I complained about this to him, he would just ignore me, and change the subject.

After a while, I began to feel used, neglected. Stupid, hopeless, a nobody, despite all my efforts. Whenever I saw Sonic get thrown up and caught by the cheering crowd, my mind would scream at me…

_Everybody knows him, but nobody knows you. He is just a coward, afraid that one day you will surpass him and take away all he has earned, and solves that by obstructing you, hiding you from the outside. If you stay with him, you will never attain anything, he won't even let you have a morsel of what he has for the rest of your life. He is like a leech, taking things from you, the things you earned from you hard work. Leave him for the weak…, and live your true destiny!_

However, I could still keep up my guise and act normally to Sonic and the others… except that I couldn't exactly look at Sonic in the face and talk to him. Still nobody suspected that I was trying my best to suppress the hate inside me, increasing in pressure and waiting to burst, every minute of the day.

Then I couldn't take it anymore… I began to sweat in front of my friends, and tense up, showing signs already. When people were talking to me, they had to repeat for me to answer… and when Sonic talked to me I didn't answer at all.

Then came the horrible visions of killing my own idol, stabbing him mercilessly and fantasizing of him experiencing one of the many deaths. Whenever I held a sharp object like a shard of glass or a kitchen knife, I would stare, gazing at the leech fiercely, sharp point lingering in the air… glinting with the light. Me whispering meaningless things to myself wasn't uncommon anymore. When these happened, the cute, innocent rabbit named Cream would ask me, with a concerned look...

"What's wrong, Mr Tails?"

"Oh… it's nothing." I would painstakingly say.

Then it happened, during a my birthday party. I cracked. My answer to Cream's question was different this time. I pointed at Sonic, hurling insults at him… describing him as the cause of all my miseries, among other untruths…

"That sickening hedgehog… I helped him… all my life I helped him. And what did I receive in return? Nothing. Zero, zilch, nil…."

"… I did more that him to protect Earth, That proud, arrogant leech sucked me dry…"

I stopped when I caught a glimpse of Cream crying, Amy hugging her. In fact, I saw everyone, even Sonic himself, shocked, speechless. This was my cue to run away from here, never to return again… I managed to say, "Sorry…" before I ran out of the room, crying. Then Sonic chased me asking me to stop and halt, all the way to the city, hiding in a garbage can and seeing Sonic run around the corner. I never saw Sonic again…

An announcement over the microphones brought me back to reality.

"Will the commander-in-chief please report to the Egg Lab immediately… we have an interesting find today…"

I sighed, tears oozing out from my eyes. It had come to this… I had gone so far to do this, to show Sonic that I was better off on my own.

The person, the commander-in-chief of the Robotnik army…

Is me.

I felt a needle poked into my skin, and soon, my head was cleared of the feelings that would distract me in my work. As I marched off from my room, I had one final thought.

It was not the needle that forced me to join him… it was my own choice…


	2. The Test

Well, it was supposed to be a one-shot but, oh well. Patience is not a virtue of mine, so I split it up into some chapters. Don't worry, this won't take long. I hope… )

* * *

**The Test**

Strange…

It was always strange…

The feeling of having the ability to become conscious of your actions again… it felt awesome after the long hours of the numbness of the brain. Having the grey matter in your brain being replaced by colorful images, regaining the ability to smile, cry and frown again, even the ability to feel itself… they were all so… wonderful. So wonderful that I would begin to touch everything in my room, make silly noises, and bite my food very slowly, just to make use of my senses, late into the night…

First came the prick of the needle, infusing pain into my little body. It was actually quite welcome, as pain was still a feeling, and that I have gotten used to it.

All my memories then came back like a gust of fresh air, from the time where I decided to become friends with Sonic, to the time I joined the dark side. During this stage, I did feel a sense of light-headedness, which made those memories a little vague, probably to keep me from going to shock…

I breathed a breath of satisfaction as the feeling of high subsided, making my brain clearer.

Then next came a feeling of numbness of my body as the liquid proceeded to blacken out my nerves momentarily. Something like a restart effect on my nervous system. A second or two later and my five senses came back, like a blast of water onto my face. Suddenly, I could smell the metallic scent of my surroundings, and touch the slippery metal table I was lying on…

Wait… where was I? I was not in my room…

I opened my eyes, but they closed immediately and instinctively the split second they met the blinding light that came from above… I turned my head and tried again, and I saw the digital clock…

8.30 A.M

Wait, that was only 30 minutes after the start of my shift! How could that happen? It would normally say 5 o'clock in the evening, take or give a minute, at the end of my work day.

What was Dr. Robotnik trying to do?

* * *

Slowly, I got up and out of the table, looking around curiously… My vision was blurred for a while; everything was double-imaged. The room was donut-shaped; it seemed strangely familiar… with the glass tube in the middle of the room. Through it, I could make out the blur, refracted image of numerous squares of chrome…, with dots of red and brown in the middle…

This was the control room of the Egg Lab, the main part of this fortress, among many others scattered over the world. Some placed in a place as remote as the chilly regions of the Ice Cap Mountains, or so close that it was just miles away from Station Square, hidden underground. They were used for various reasons…, housing armies, military bases, quick roboticization, and many others. However, the one I had always spent my time in, this fortress, was for the purpose of research, and testing…

Finally, the two repeated images in my eyesight converged with each other, and I could see clearly. Then I heard a 'hovering' sound, which enticed me to look at the source of the noise. Turning back my head, I was just in time to see a red and white-striped robot pass through the glass tube, into the jail cells below…

It was facing me, and one of its hands was carrying an open suitcase, which showed vile green liquids contained in the needles. They were new poisons, conceived by Master, waiting to be injected into the unfortunate specimens' bodies, causing them to experience many problems. Those which would lead into a slow, agonizing death, those which would cause people to scream and shout, so loud that I can hear them from here, 7 stories up. They worked extremely effectively, to the delight of my master, Dr.Robotnik. That was why he would always conjure up another type of poison each week, just to 'test' them out on the specimens…

And its right hand was holding something that looked like a stun gun, but with an exceptionally unique design, such that the electricity that was emitted by it did not travel straight like a bullet; instead, it was a close range design that would be able to shock multiple victims at once.

I knew that. I designed it a week ago.

Multiple screams of anguish and pain rang through the metal hallways.

Was… I indirectly actually torturing them?

Did I actually agree to this, having my own inventions used to hurt those innocent people? The people I promised to protect?

A memory replayed itself… during my first few weeks here, I sent a new invention to Robotnik, something like a stun bomb… and my Master personally came down and asked whether I wanted them to be 'tested' on the poor animals. He said it without bias, in a balanced sort of way. There were no penalties or rewards, bribes or threats, he wanted me to make my own decision.

That to me was respect. Something Sonic had never treated me with. He… always flew my biplane without asking, not letting me make my own decisions at all. Sure I felt it from some of my younger once-friends, but that seemed insignificant.

I had a lust for it.

And it was satisfied… by him

For that I was grateful, so grateful that I allowed him to use it for his own purposes. I didn't know what was happening in my mind then, when I could have rejected. I just said a simple yes without thinking of other factors, only due to the fact that he respected me.

I did allow it. I agreed to it completely without even being forced to.

* * *

I stood up, and for the first two steps, I walked with a limp. Then, I made a brisk walk to the television screens at the opposite side of the room. If I had the bravery to do such things to permit agony, I mind as well have the bravery to look at what results my foolish actions would bring.

I looked at the first screen from the left. There was no shooting now, just ten rabbits leaning on the wall sloppily, as if they were almost dead. Strings of electricity curled up and down the fur of the weak and frail rabbits. None of them moved. Carefully, I studied the faces of the rabbits, and deduced that they were all from the same family…

_At least they would die as a family, knowing that they would be together again… one day._

Then a little girl twitched. Slowly she opened her eyes. Looking around frantically, she must have thought that she would be in the calm afterlife by now…, not standing still in that nightmare. Not having the strength to get up, she then leaned back on the wall and closed her eyes again, probably groaning in pain.

The poor girl opened her eyes in sudden realization; her fellow siblings and parents were here too. She immediately looked to her left, and found what seemed to be her grandmother. Gasping, she rolled over and tried to tend to her.

I looked carefully at the frail old lady. She showed no sign of life, not even the slight rise and fall of the chest, and not the slightest pitch. The young girl checked for a pulse frantically; she must have a special bond with her, like that of me and Sonic.

A long time ago. The happy times, when I was such a young kid… so carefree and cheerful… Those were the days when there were no other people, only me and Sonic, traveling about the world, defeating Dr. Robotnik whenever he tried to do something funny. I didn't care whether Sonic got all the glory, or anything like that; the only thing that mattered was Sonic…

And that person alone made my happy.

True happiness. Something I would never feel here…

Perhaps something I would never feel again…

Tears flowed from my eyes, as I saw the little rabbit cry wildly, moving her grandmother frantically, for no reason at all. Robots sprang out from nowhere, and she began screaming at them angrily, with the salty liquid now reaching her mouth. What she was saying however, I couldn't imagine. After all, robots there were just hollow beings, without any feelings or desires. They were mere drones; their only object in life was to carry out their Master's doing… They simply wouldn't listen to anyone they were not programmed to, and…

I gulped. I didn't know why… I just gulped.

A voice rang back from memory. "Look at them, Tails. Walking around back and forth, nothing better to do. Dumb, eh? If you work with him, ever, you would be just like them… that lame… Promise me Tails, don't do anything silly, ok?"

"I promise…"

* * *

A bolt of electricity came out from one of the stun guns, electrocuting her. Her head slammed into the wall, rendering her unconscious perhaps for a few more hours. She had been a hero, she tried limping towards them, bashing them with her fists, the meager power inflicted by them useless to the relatively impenetrate armor.

Watching this… I could never be happy. All I could feel was guilt…

Slowly, my eyes drawed away from the fading commotion on to the second…

I was shocked beyond my wits when I saw what was inside the glass container… Could it be?

One-hair eyelashes, long ears that drooped at her back, pale brown skin… and the blue chao with a bowtie which floated just right above her…

Cream…?

"Ah… so now you know why I awakened you, do you?"

I turned my head, and my eyes met the sunglasses of Dr. Robotnik. A smile crossed his face as he looked at me carefully… and then said, "Tails… you have contributed a lot to the development of the Eggman Empire, and I will certainly praise you for that. Your methods, information, and inventions have fended of critical attacks from the likes of that spiky pincushion, and the meddling two-tailed frea…"

I looked at him angrily.

"I'm sorry, it's just that I really can't believe that you would just step into my fortress and say that you wanted to join my ranks. Others… they had to be captured by force and turned into robots…, but you… you just came in voluntarily. You are an incredible asset to me, Tails… and all this while, before you came here, I thought your friendship would be unbreakable! That has been a… slight problem for me, but now…"

"Master…, I was in his shadow for too long. He stole everything that mattered to me, that Sonic… Glory, respect, all these, I needed relief. And you provided it…"

"And to think those fools call this the dark side!" He then did an evil laugh, but stopped after a while…

I looked down, not knowing what to say to this.

He then put his hand on my shoulder, and said seriously, "Tails, I think you have done a lot here, and for that, I trust you a lot…" He then pointed towards the little rabbit in the glass container. "That's why I have decided to give you my position temporarily, to negotiate this stupid rabbit. You can do anything you want, you can use anything you want…, you have my power for this matter."

His position? As the master of all of the Eggman Empire? Robots would follow my every command… in fact I could do anything I wanted! Wait…, I could only do this temporarily. And use it for interrogation purposes only…

The glint in his eye suggested that this was more of a test than a transfer of power. He would be out to watch my every move, and he might change his mind about the 'I trust you a lot' part, if I did just one wrong move. At worst, he might even abandon me and dispose of me, doing world domination alone.

Cream… could I really hurt her? She was full of innocence, a pacifist, did… she really deserve the infliction of pain? I knew that she respected me, she cared about me, she might have even seen me as a role model; what would she do when she finds out that the person that has been a hero in her life has actually turned over to the dark side?

"… she's only a firefly in our midst, nothing more. She won't be tough, she might even succumb to you after you shock her once or twice. After this, you can decide to do anything with her… make her a test subject, a robot, even freeing her is an option. All I want is the valuable information… where are the chaos emeralds…, the location of the cursed hedgehog. That's all."

Robotnik then went up the ramp and, as he went through the door, he said, "Proceed to holding cell 19. Good luck, Tails, I'm counting on you."

I buried my head into my hands, What am I gonna do?

* * *

Very long… hehe. Hope you have managed to read this far, and as usual, tell me where I have gone wrong and such. 


	3. Not Worth it

Sigh. I can't write anymore. I'm becoming increasingly depressed with life, and I think I'm writing this illegally in the midst of exams… Sigh.

Everything has become so difficult to update. I can't find the right spot with Robotnik's Revenge (I'll update if I find the right thing to say), or The Devil's Child. (expect me to remake this completely). Know I shouldn't put this here, but this is the only updatable piece of fanfiction currently, and that means something.

I have forgotten the joy of posting a fic. Hopefully, I can relieve it.

-

**Chapter 3- No Way Out**

I was in a precarious position. Cream was now in custody, and I was to be at the helm of power here for a while, to conduct the interrogation with everything at my disposal…

The thing was that, I had to choose. Between my conscious, and my loyalty towards Robotnik. I had power; I could just allow her to just walk freely out of the fortress's gates. However, I could imagine that that would be met swiftly with a quick trip to the Robotosizer. Well, at least that would give false hope if they were looking for me, when Cream finds them…, it would rise their spirits a little.

Either that or I could use a stun bomb, and shock her until she tells the truth, bringing her close to death but snatching her away at the critical moment many, many times. I had many options; I could even massacre that blue chao Cheese if I wanted to…

And that would signify that I would be ready to take charge as a merciless person in the Robotnik army, able to kill someone without having any feeling, closer to Dr. Robotnik. The very destruction of my soul…

These were what I projected would happen if I chose either way, free her or torture her. A part of mind screamed at me, trying to convince me that these were mere fantasies but I knew better that they were close to the truth. Either way, I thought, I would be destroying myself. Morally or physically…

But could I really drive myself to do that? Was it really me? To hurt someone? To hurt Cream? No… The image of the young, tortured rabbit passed my mind, making me wince. I couldn't bear to make the same mistake again… I couldn't bear to… I had to free her.

And something else voiced out from my mind, reminding yet again that Master had given me power and respect, the things that he could never get then… I would lose his respect if I was to just release her like that, going back on my word. Respect…, a double-edged sword that kept hissing at my ear, an idol before me which I had and would never let go. I would break a huge promise, an oath. I… I had to do it…

All a very hard choice. I felt myself sweating with fear; really not knowing what to do. Before I realized it, I was at the doorstep of Holding Cell 19. I knew that Dr.Robotnik would be nearby, watching how the interrogation process would go through a one-sided mirror, at the opposite edge. Any pause would make him suspicious… there was no turning back once I stepped in.

Life of death or Death itself, Dr.Robotnik or the Freedom Fighters, it was my choice… I was not content with either, however… I don't think I could go in undecided, face to face with an old friend and not knowing what to do to her.

I was also nervous at the mere aspect of meeting someone that I had betrayed a long time ago, a 'friend'. What would she say? How would I react to her naivety when she would actually say "Tails! Where were you! We missed you!" or something like that, thinking that a long lost 'hero' was just right in front of her, only that soon, she would burst into tears at sudden realization…

I, myself, also had a lot of questions to ask her, about what was happening there with Sonic. Did he still miss me or anything? Or did he totally forget about me, practically just a day after I ran away? How did he feel about me? Angry? Insulted? Worried? I myself had my own set of questions, but my curiosity still paled in comparison with my other feelings at the moment.

I was thinking too much…

I wiped my forehead. More sweat, and a faster-than-usual heartbeat, pumping fast to satisfy my increased bouts of breath. Then it hit me, just suddenly, an idea. There was a third option that I could try, just persuade her to tell me something, a lie was fine, and then let her go. Then she could go tell her friends, and all of them would be alive, yes, that was the best solution. Goodness for everyone, I still could grasp the power, and still hold the respect from Master. It seemed to be a perfect plan… I didn't need to even contend with Cream's words…

Deep down, I knew that it was just some random idea that popped out of my head, playing tricks on me. Nervousness reaching its top…, that's all, it was too situational to work, a clouding of judgment. Amazing how that dark side of me could force me to put my finger on the scanner, mutter "Miles Tails Prower", and enter the keypad number. By the time I realized what I had done wrong, the aluminum door slid open, and I was in.

Without the vaguest idea of what exactly to do.

-

I was confused for a moment, turning my head left and right, analyzing the surroundings. There was a box at the left, filled with some gadgets, probably for torture purposes, and, more importantly, there was Cream, strapped to a makeshift chair on the opposite side of the room.

She had grown quite a bit; I could sense that she had really grown a little taller, now about my height. And, I could sense that she had matured a little. Seeing her eyes, I could tell that she was filled with exciting questions to tell, but she held back. At least she was serious enough to tell that something was amiss. Her face was expressionless, but the fact that she was not blinking at all gave her away, she was surprised to see me…

And I found myself with the same, blank, expression too, feeling exactly the same way as her.

I also saw the blue little chao standing beside her, apparently affected by the silence, not groaning or crying like it was a few minutes ago. It was in a pondering manner, confused.

In this blank room, I just stood there, she just sat there, blank, not saying anything. We just stared at each other's eyes.

On my part, I was thinking of how to break the silence, wanting to say, "Cream, let's make this simple. Just tell me where Sonic is, and I won't hurt you." Starting off with a threat, just to state my position or to tell her indirectly that I wasn't on her side anymore, or something. But I couldn't, as to me, it would seem too abrupt. I was too sensitive to do that to a 'former friend'; I still tried, but every time my mouth opened, still no words came out.

However, I still couldn't say a 'hi', that would surely kill me in Robotnik's eyes. It would…

Suddenly, I felt a little thing embrace my foot, and a soft 'purr' was emitted. I looked down, and the little chao, with a happy face and without fear, was hugging me. I was confused at first, but I remembered the happy times when I would take care of the chao by caring for it, pampering it until it had absolute trust in me, an unbreakable bond. I would feed it cheese, its favorite food, and I would play a ball with it, and…

Funny how it could still remember me after these long years.

I felt some warmth, something tingly inside my heart, a strange feeling… That I was actually cared for and remembered by. It was something…, that I hadn't really felt in a… long time.

At that simultaneous moment, a whisper was conveyed along the room; "Cheese, no!"

I turned to look at Cream, who immediately cried, "Oh, mister… Please don't hurt Cheese…"

I didn't know how I did it, but amazingly, as if on cue, I replied "Don't worry…" and smiled, carrying the chao in my hands and presenting it back to Cream, putting the cute little thing beside her.

I smiled… Then, I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand, realizing something.

What did I… just do.

As if telepathically, Dr.Robotnik's menacing voice boomed back, "Haven't you learnt, Tails, compassion is a weakness! My hope in you is gone…, how could you do such a thing? Perhaps you need a little lesson…"

That bracket of dialogue, it seemed real, it was vivid. Was it?

I jerked back my head to look at Cream, who was now smiling back in gratitude…

"Thank… you, Mister Tails… You…, you haven't changed at all! You… you're still him, Tails… the one, kind person me, Sonic and everyone else… always knew. We missed you…"

She said that with crystal clear voice, that same politeness I always attributed to her, with eyes shining in the dim light of the room. I felt some kind of nostalgia…, suddenly home seemed like something, I really needed.

But, my first reflex was to balance the 'mistake' out with something cruel, as the image of Dr.Robotnik flashed through my mind. But, no, I couldn't do that… I couldn't revert myself to normal by whitewashing, then blackening myself. I have taken a false step onto on path of the fork of the road, the path of 'light'… Or death.

_Suddenly I'm just going to die._

I buried my head into my hands, as impending death loomed large in front of me. But I still had to tell the truth. The words of Cream replayed themselves.

"You… you hadn't changed at all."

That was a lie! I had done so many evil things, far from that fearless hero and Freedom Fighter that I was and aspired to be. I felt an instinct, to look at myself, the inability to smile, the frown I was always put up, far from that optimistic, happy fellow I was… I had to tell her that.

"No… I'm not the Tails you knew, Cream! I have changed a lot, I'm with Dr.Robotnik now, and, in front of you, hearing you say that, I feel guilt, Cream, I feel guilty. I was assigned to interrogate you, to hurt you, so that you could reveal information. See those instruments over there?" I pointed towards the box. "I have indirectly hurt countless people with the things I have invented, and I knew about it. I'm a hopeless murderer. A person who messed up in his life."

"I had to tell you this, I'm not the Tails you knew anymore."

Cream looked dumbstruck about this. Suddenly, her forehead had an expression of a frown, but her words reflected a feeling different from that

"Di…Did… you really… take lives…., Tails?" She stuttered, in a fearful way.

I bowed my head, tears falling from my eyes. "Even worse. I… took them…. as they felt pain. Unbearable pain. Excruciating pain."

The rabbit now seemed scared. She was pushing at the back of her chair, trying to get as far away from me as possible. When Cheese tried to jump onto me again, Cream disallowed it by putting her hand before its little body. Suddenly, she started to cry, as those tears of happiness slowly became tears of disappointment and sadness.

Suddenly, I, felt a deeper shame than what I felt when I joined Robotnik's ranks. The very fact that I had killed countless people was enough to unjustify my reason. And what was my reason again?

"Want to know why I did this, Cream? I did it, cause I was jealous of Sonic."

"Jea…lous?" Cream acknowledged that she was listening.

"He got more power than me, that's all. Just because he was getting all, the, glory, Cream, all the rewards, all the praise. And I couldn't stand it Cream. So… I…."

"Mr.Sonic… talked to me… right after you left… He… said…. that he was past his prime and aging, he wanted you to get the chance. To become the hero of Mobius… he said that one… must be responsible… and… and."

"Yes…, Cream?" I was listening intently, although it sounded like what Sonic had told me a million times before.

"Dr.Robotnik gave… gave you power and glory, did he, that evil man?"

I lowered my head again. "He was the only one who did that, Cream. That was why I joined him, Cream, that was why…"

Cream interrupted. "Where… has it brought you to… now? You are… crying…"

I felt the tears of my eyes fall onto my eyes, in sudden realization… It had led me… to a path of sadness, did it? A path of killing, massacring, and taking away. With all that power, I misheld it, didn't I. My good intentions were turned bad, how that rabbit saw her own mother die, how the stun bomb hurt her…

Was glory and power, something worth having?

"That's enough!" a voice inflected in the heat of my mind.

Suddenly, I couldn't think anymore. I felt my will being bent, to Robotnik's will. To master's will…

I could live a life of… kings. Victory, was it near. Locked inside the mind of the firefly in our midst? Focus on the task at hand, drive the information out of her. Do whatever it takes.

Whatever warmth, guilt I felt in my mind became total blankness. It was replaced, by images of violence, rage, anger.

I couldn't help it, I reached my hand into the box, having blank eyes, muscles relaxed, not… having the mental… capacity to control myse…lf

The last thing I knew I did before I totally shut down was that I grabbed a stun bomb, and threw forcefully at her face. It exploded just in front of her.

Maximum effect.

-

So, it's finished. Finally, I've updated something. I hope you like this. It was quite experimental in a way. As usual, point out my mistakes and flame me.


	4. Manipulation

Nope, it insn't finished. I would be taxing Tails with a little more at the end. Despite the shortage of reviews, I still feel like I want to continue this story until it is finished soon. And unlike my other fics, I have a clear idea of how it is going to end, so I'm happy about that. )

And thank you for your reviews. Didn't know that my portrayal of emotions would be good enough. Gawd, maybe I might consider updating more often…

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**Chapter 4- Reflection**

I floated around in the blackness of my mind, deep in the unconscious. Voices surrounded me, echoing through the inky void.

"I'm giving you a choice, Tails, it's up to you whether you want to take it or not."

"Where… has it brought you to now…Tails? You're crying."

The voices seemed to be pulling me apart, as if Robotnik and Sonic were playing a tug-of-war game with me as the object in between. They were shouting words into my ears, persuading me to stay with the darkness or to turn my back on Dr.Robotnik respectively…

Pictures flashed through my mind; the young little rabbit, helplessly wailing for her loved one, her grandmother. It struck back the reality that siding with the dark side was going to make me hurt or kill…, and plunge people into torture and suffering, I found that it was inevitable, there was no way about it. Throughout my time here, I kept telling myself, I just wanted to show Sonic, that I wasn't as useless and young as he made me out to me, I wasn't going to really hurt anyone.

But no… I agreed to him using my inventions to force information out of people, I agreed to let people die, those were wrongs that couldn't be righted with a simple "sorry". They were vines that bound me, something I could never free myself from… Now, I had even hurt those who I once liked. As I paused to think, I knew that these things were the inevitable that came with my set of choices…

I vividly visualized vines coming to engulf me, dragging me down to some dark place, a one-way trip to disaster. Suddenly, I felt scared. I felt that I wanted to be with Sonic again; how he had consoled me when times were tough… I wanted to hear his cool and collected voice; I wanted to feel his warmth.

So cold… All I had been hearing for the past year were orders devoid of any emotion, monotone voices which were not human. As I remembered the times when I was with Sonic and my friends, this life had paled in comparison a lot. It was as if my very soul was trickling away into the darkness. How I had hurt Cream and many others, however unintentionally, was unforgivable. Master seemed to be in total control of me, manipulating me to do his bidding. He was slowly moulding me into something I didn't want to become. What exactly, I was not sure, but it would serve his purposes…

"_Look at them, Tails. Walking around back and forth, nothing better to do. Dumb, eh? If you work with him, ever, you would be just like them… that lame… Promise me Tails, don't do anything silly, ok?"_

Now then did it strike me that his seemingly exaggerated statement, just walking back and forth, was leaning towards the truthful side. As I spent 16 hours a day being a robot, with no sense of emotion; the only time I was human was when I dreamt in my sleep, and even that time was spent dwelling on the fateful decision, and nothing else. Compared to the already happy times I had before, as free as a bird, the real me was confined to the space of my cell.

I went to spoil it all. I was not content with freedom and wanted more. Joining Eggman, I guess I did get what I want. But now, as I look at it closer, glory was nothing without freedom. It was not worth sacrificing for your humanity and the people who cared about you. How would I enjoy that if I had only a minute or so in the whole day? How would I enjoy it if I had to take peoples' lives to get it?

I finally understood, I had it, but I never really enjoyed it… I could never really make the right decisions without Sonic, could I?

About Cream's stammering words, did she really say that Sonic actually wanted me to replace him someday? The reason why he had always sheltered me, was because he knew that I couldn't really handle it. I could imagine now that it was hard handling all that publicity, and thus, maybe Sonic wanted to wait a little longer, before he wanted to expose me to the outside world. I'm still was a young kid; at the age of 13. Maybe he wasn't like the self-centered idiot that I thought him to be, maybe he had good intentions for getting all that light…

And now I know what fruits my selfish quest had brought, glory wasn't what Sonic wanted most of.

It was a bad thing to yearn for. Now I had finally understood that fact…

And in that void, I finally felt the malicious hold of Dr.Eggman loosen completely, and I jumped toward the direction of Sonic's arms.

The spell cast over me seemed to finally break and fade away like vapours in the air.

-

But no, that was a dream. The reality was that it was far…, too late. The spell still lingered on, amassing like a cloud over me, preparing to deliver my fate. It was as if it was hanging a sword over my head…

Something that had started out small had become gigantic; strengthened to the point where a mere, strong mind could not break it. Drawn in too much by the illusions that it generated, I seemed to be teetering at the event horizon of the black hole, the point of no return.

I was locked tightly in chains, being thrown into this small, dank, prison. There was no escaping from here, at least not before Eggman would decide what to do with me. Whatever, cruel, tortuous way of death it might be, chances were that I would never be able to see my former friend again, and tell him the real truth of my life without him. A miserable mess, like the living dead… Because of that one thing that lead to my destruction…

Glory.

Now I knew, that they were forbidden fruits that could destroy lives, taking them apart piece by piece, such that one could always yearn for it. Bait would be a few feet beyond our reach, and to get it, we would be willing to cut the ropes that made up the ethical, moral limits we set. We compromise, more and more, until we taste the forbidden fruit and learn that it was not as tasty as we thought it would be.

By the time we would be able to realize that all we had done in that quest led to the very destruction of ourselves, it would be too late; we would fall into the void. Too many ropes were frayed.

I had been lulling over this point about how bad it really was repeatedly, ever since I saw the rabbits in the torture prison… But only now, in my final moments, could I dispel all the illusions that came with it… because no happiness has been brought by it.

I wasted a year, and the rest of my life, for that…, when I could have…

I slumped down the mossy stone wall, and began to cry a silent cry. It had been awhile since I had a bout of emotion come over me. Sheer hopelessness, deep regret, and overwhelming guilt was what came down over me, as thoughts filled my head. I could never see Sonic, Amy, any of the people I had been friends with again, nor could I ever even see what was outside the prison….

But the main thing that saddened me was that I was powerless to even do a desperate last grab onto the frayed ends of the ropes. I couldn't even have a chance to right my wrongs, or to even apologize to the victims. All I could do was to feel sorry for them, and to feel hatred for myself. Now, I didn't mind dying, it was poetic justice; as they like to say, it was an eye for an eye… I deserved it.

It was good news… Then I began to look up and become foolishly optimistic. I searched for other good points of the dire situation I was in… At least I wouldn't be able to cause any more pain, or any more deaths. I figured that I would create no more inventions, or weapons for Master's use.

Another thing was that Sonic would never know the truth behind where I went missing. I wouldn't have to suffer the shame of letting Sonic see me; a slave of Eggman, walking back and forth, like a mindless robot. I could imagine how the doctor could use me as a psychological weapon, revealing that I had actually done the unimaginable by turning to him for help, and would force me to fight a battle between friends…

With me dead, that was not going to happen…

That was what I hoped, at least…

The cell door opened, revealing menacing cyborgs. Two of them went into the cell, and held me by the soldiers, escorting me out of it… To where, I had no idea… But did it really matter?

As they started their mindless walk through the long corridor, I couldn't help but feel a little triumphant… I hung my head high…. Finally my horrible life would be over…

-

However, I started feeling a little insecure as I walked into somewhat unfamiliar territory. My confidence started to lower when the cyborgs actually marched past the Torture Chamber, the place which I assumed was the most probable place for me to be pushed into and perhaps shot at. But no, they didn't make the turn, and I could only look back at the hint of glowing light in the dark corridor, full of confusion and fear…

Was something… special going to happen to me? I could only hope that my wish would be fulfilled, to die. To repay all of the sins I have done and to free myself from guilt. Was that too much to ask?

My confidence started crumbling away like weathered rock, and now I found myself sweating heavily, trying to think of all other possible reasons as to what Eggman would now do with me. For betrayal, what better punishment to deal than death? I was now useless in his eyes, since he discovered that I had a soft side…, and I didn't follow his orders, because I was still partly on the right side… I did not want to serve him anymore…

What else could he do?

Then something ghastly came up it my mind… It made my blood freeze solid, as I slowly understood Robotnik's plan. The answer was staring in me right in the face. He wasn't going to be so kind to me, he was gonna squeeze every penny I'm worth, and use it for his own selfish reasons. How I suddenly lost my mind while talking to Cream, and how I couldn't really remember anything after that incident…, it now scared me more than ever before. He displayed the ability to do something that would shame me for the rest of my life, to make my presence in his army a whole lot more open, how he could force me to do his bidding…

To control my mind. Erase any mention of "free will" present in my mind and twist it into his desired form…, so that he could establish full control over me. Like a string puppet…, I would be made to willingly do things that I would not normally condone, even more jaw-dropping than just inventing stuff for Eggman…

The very thought was so overwhelming; a wave of emotion passed through me as tears started flowing down my cheeks. I couldn't bear it. I forcefully tried to struggle my way out of the iron grips of the Cyborgs' hands, but their arms didn't even budge a little… still as straight as if it had no joints. They still continued to walk, march, to the end of the corridor. It was now in sight, the darkness at the end of the tunnel.

I could only scream my lungs out as I was swept along the merciless tide of the black hole, into its inky depths, devoid of any hope or means of escape.

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God, I did click on the shortcuts of doom. As you can see, I have little or no will to write, I only can do it in short, creative bursts of inspiration, not continuously. So hope you enjoy this chapter.


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